| So... |
[16 Jul 2008|12:08am] |
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mood |
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 blah |
] |
I haven't posted in this live journal in a while, but a few days ago, I went back and read all my previous entries I had written when I was 15. I had so many questions, not to mention too much time on my hands. Now, I'm 17, and so far, not much has changed. I'm still a philosopher at heart, I still write religiously, and I still love to perform.
Slowly, but surely, I am finding myself. I’m trying to fail fewer classes so I can graduate with my class and pursue my dreams. I’m trying to use what I’ve learned to my benefit and perhaps to help others not to make the same mistakes I have. Everything around me is changing and the call to take on more responsibility is echoing even louder than before. I must answer that call with diligence and confidence.
Hope everyone is doing well. :)
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| Musical Healing |
[27 Apr 2007|11:22pm] |
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mood |
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 happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"Too Much Time on Hands" -Styx |
] |
Fragments of life, still with chance
To form in a mosaic of beauty.
And not with tape or glue,
But with something meaningful,
A song—our song.
First step is discovery,
Following is action in strength.
And from that point
We create reasons
To keep our music playing.
And the radio’s sound won’t cease
Until the battery dies.
So, the music withstands
Through volume highs
And lows.
With more truth than we realize,
More music than the song plays—
Subliminal messages.
Every day we’ll listen
To a different tune.
So let’s separate each beat
And let them burst—from our souls.
Whatever compositions—
Whether in symphony
Or clashing conflict.
Make them yours.
It’s your right.
-Bri Neves
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| Boring Entry |
[19 Mar 2007|01:36am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"Respect" Aretha Franklin |
] |
Well, I haven't posted in awhile so, I figured I'd update.
It was my birthday on the 12th. Had a pretty good birthday.
I'm working on a novel.
Not much to say.
Life is good.
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| Howdy. |
[21 Jan 2007|01:31am] |
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mood |
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 creative |
] |
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music |
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"Dream a Little Dream of Me" -The Mamas and the Papas |
] |
So, on Friday I performed for the theatre showcase at my school, singing "He's a Tramp" fm the movie Lady and the Tramp. Besides the fact that my microphone wouldn't turn on and a strap of my dress fell down, I guess I did alright. I could have done a lot better though. :/ People seemed to be in awe of my voice, which surprised me. My singing voice has gotten significantly lower in the past year so, I chose a song that contains very low notes. Fellow females singers were all like "Wow, you've got a rare gift. A girl who can sing really low and sound beautiful." In fact, after my rehersal performance on Thursday, some girl I don't even know shouted "Encore!" Man, the last few days were quite the ego boost, eh? Not that I need one. :p
I've been writing a lot lately. Even more than usual. Which is a whole crapload considering I've always been a writer. In just around three weeks, I've written twenty-seven pages of a novel I'm in the process of, one completed short story (six pages), and two short stories in the process (one is three pages and the other is merely a couple paragraphs). Along with that, I've also written several poems and song lyrics. I suppose this is the period of inspiration for me. In addition, it is also the period where I discover the fact that I have an incredibly active imagination. I swear, I think of the craziest things--and then I write about them and people read them and are like "what the heck?" But I adore it. I absolutely love that kind of reaction from people. :D
So, life is good, all is well, and I'm a happy soul.
Cheers. :)
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| The most scattered entry you'll probably ever read. |
[24 Dec 2006|02:47am] |
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mood |
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inspired |
] |
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music |
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"Breakfast In America" -Supertramp. |
] |
What a long while it's been, eh? Realizing that dust was collecting up in this old journal, I decided, why not write in it? :)
Anyways, so here I am, it's 3:00 in the morning, and I have yet to tire. I've been up awhile, reading a lovely book by V.C. Andrews and listening to some wonderful old music (60s, 70s, 80s). I'm a fool for I really should get to bed as I am attending church tomarrow. But, alas, there's a restlessness lurking within me, and it seems the sandman is on a brief vacation. Oh well, I'll get sleepy eventually, probably during the hour in which I have to wake up. :p
Life has been kind as always yet I still sometimes find myself in quite the gloomy mood. I'm clueless as to the reason for that...Perhaps I'm just naturally a moody person? Well, whatever the reason, I'm glad I have the optimistic logic to remind myself that all is well and even when something does not go the way I want it to, it's part of a learning process which will never cease in this lifetime. I'm glad I have myself to depend on as others often prove to be untrustworthy. Funny how I used to lean on others for courage and strength; now I'm an independent, self sufficent person with a determination to take on the world. My spirts high, my head in the air, there's no way I won't succeed. The only flaw in this line of reasoning that I can readily point out is that there is a possibility that I may let myself down. But, I mustn't think about that at the moment...
I fear that there's a great gap between my ambitions and the means of getting there. I have so many large aspirations and I try my best to make them happen but, it seems there is something holding me back from living up to my full potential...It may be something I'm lacking, in skill, in character, or something else... Who knows?
What's been new with me? Failed World History with a 65%. I had studied my ass off for the final exams but, I guess in the end, it mattered not. So now I'll have to take the stupid class all over again, in Summer School or through online classes. Ugh. And to think I actually ENJOY learning history...Odd, I must say. 0_o
Besides the grade, I'm having a fun time with the whole identity crisis thing, learing who I am, and making the most of it. Each step is a challenge for, if you were me, you'd know all of the crazy things that go on in my head. Sometimes, I even feel like I have totally different personalities, sort of like I'm acting as various characters from a play. Though it feels real. Well, partly real. Sometimes I'm fake and I know that for certain. I can feel it, every inch of me is crying out "shut up and be yourself!!" However, my actions tend to overtake my words which is something I'm trying to prevent. Guess all I need is time. But there's no telling of when that'll run out. I mean, I could die right now. Knowing that I never truely found myself. So, I'm pulling through, putting forth my best effort to work all of this out efficently.
Well, now that I'm done with my incessant tangents, I guess I should stop boring you with this trival essay. So, I'll try putting my mind to rest, and my body as well. Nighty night. ^_^
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| Parents... |
[30 Sep 2006|09:48pm] |
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mood |
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 disappointed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Football is in the background. |
] |
sometimes I think they just don't understand.
They will most likely be reading this so, I figured I'd type this entry so they could "acidentally" come across it...
So, I might not be going to Homecoming. Despite how much I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want to. I didn't get to go last year and I was really looking forward to going my Sophmore year. But, I guess that's going down the drain.
My parents believe that, with every single guy I encounter, there is some sort of romantic interest. With me, that is just not true. Actually, I have a lot more guy friends than girl friends and tend to perfer the guys better (there are only a couple exceptions there). I sit with 4 guys at lunch and have about 10 others guys that I talk to when there is time before and after class (and no, I'm not exagerrating, I just counted them).
So, the deal is, My friend Zack and I wanted to dress up 70s-like because it was funny and crazy; my parents are completely baffled when it comes to the idea of that. Also, they think that since Zack is a guy, it is most definately a date and I'm "not allowed to go on dates". Okay, so, let me explain the problems with that logic:
1. If you are going on a date, you dress nicely. You don't be goofy and wear an afro and an all-white suit. And you certaintly call it a date; you don't pretend it isn't.
2. Zack doesn't like me. I used to have a tiny crush on him but I stopped liking him when I realized this fact. I see him as only a friend.
3. There will be many adults there. It's not like you are left alone to "do whatever". Schools are overprotective like that. Adults will circle the event like a swarm of bees.
So, then I suggested going alone. But that's not allowed either. Unless my dad is literally sitting at the table with me (parents, that's not what chaperoning means). I was glad when my dad said that he realized how embarrasing that is.
Since going alone was out, I asked my parents if I could go with Zack, Brandon, Ben, and Bernard (the guys that sit at my table that, to the extent of my knowledge, don't have dates yet). The answer was no. When I asked them "why, am I going on a date with all four guys?" I was only threatened with a "If you keep bugging us, you will definately not be going". So, of course, I shut up on that note.
The good thing about this is that my dad is considering letting me go with a girl friend (if I can find one). My best friend isn't allowed to go because of her mom's dumb logic and all of the girl friends I've talked to so far are either not going or already have dates.
^ But that may not work either. Apparently, the consideration is not a final decision. :/
They don't understand. I will pay for my dress. I will pay for my ticket. If I don't end up having the money for it before Homecoming, I will save for it and pay them back. I would also be willing tp let my dad be a chaperon, as long as he isn't sitting at the table with me. I don't care if my friends know my dad is a chaporone but, honestly, it's a bit much to be sitting at the table with your dad.
I just REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want to go. And dress like 70s like what was planned. I don't want Zack to not get to go just because he can't find anyone to do the 70s theme with. I mean, I don't even have to go with him; as long as someone else is doing the same thing, I'm pretty sure that Zack will go to homecoming.
So, that's my rant. Long but hopefully fairly amusing. This is more for my parents to read than anything else. Maybe I'll just randomly put the link to my LJ out there.
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| Hmm... |
[18 Sep 2006|02:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sick |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves" -Cher |
] |
My Personality
| | Neuroticism | | Extraversion | | Openness To Experience | | Agreeableness | | Conscientiousness | |
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| Guess what? |
[17 Sep 2006|12:02am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 worried |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"Call Me When You're Sober" -Evanescense |
] |
I'm not grounded anymore. :)
I went to a UGA game today. We left the stadium during Halftime. Georgia won and Alabama sucked. The score was 35-0 or something like that.
I'm really, really worried about my friend. She's about to take a very wrong direction. She has no idea what she is getting in to.
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| Someone needs to take a chill pill. |
[15 Jul 2006|10:28pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"Over My Head Cable Car" -The Fray |
] |
This is an ongoing message over Myspace. It's an ammusing read to say the least. See for yourself. Read it from the bottom up; otherwise it'll make no sense.
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| Was bored. |
[03 Jun 2006|01:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"Goodbye My Lover" -James Blunt (yes, AGAIN) |
] |
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| Are you kidding me?!?!? |
[02 Jun 2006|04:02am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 frustrated |
] |
I just spent about 40 minutes carefully writing a poem; carefully analyzing it line by line, and making a plethora of corrections and edits. I had finished it, read it over, and was very proud of what I had accomplished.
Then, guess what? I lost my frickin' work.
This sucks. It took me frickin' FOREVER to write it.
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| My parents... |
[02 Jun 2006|12:34am] |
| [ |
mood |
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surprised |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Random techno music. |
] |
Have been looking through my emails, Myspace, and LJ the entire time.
It's craziness.
At least I have nothing to hide.
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| Let's just say... |
[31 May 2006|11:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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hopeful |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"Sad But True" -Metallica |
] |
This Summer, I'm bored out of my mind.
I hope my mom gets me a Gym membership. I really want it. And she's knows that I would totally take advantage of it.
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| Umm...yeah. |
[30 May 2006|03:16am] |
| [ |
mood |
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Very tired. Frickin' 3:22 a.m. |
] |
Write five things about you, three true, and two false. Post it and have your friends guess which ones are true and which are false. People replying should do this as well. ;)
1. My middle name is Nicole.
2. I carry hand sanitizer with me everywhere I go.
3. I'm afraid of the dark.
4. I love Fall Out Boy.
5. I've jumped naked on a trampoline.
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| This weekend. |
[28 May 2006|08:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"Goodbye Lover" -James Blunt |
] |
I'm happy because I spent time with my best friend, who I hadn't seen in a while. We've kind of drifted apart and that's the last thing that we want to happen.
I saw Posidion at the IMAX theatre yesterday. It was a good movie and very thought provoking, at least for me. In my head, I kept picturing me in a life-or-death situation simular to that (there's a possibility it may happen). What would I do? Well, in the situation in the movie, I'd be screwed because I can't swim. But, besides that, looking at a different situation, what if it happens?
Life is taken for granted way too often when you live in a safe, secure home with a wonderful family who cares immensely for you, at least when your referring to me. I'm spoiled, have it all, and have been living my life as if all of my problems were larger than my life itself. Posidion made me relearn that there are worse things in this world than the stupid crap I go through.
However, I've been having this very strange, very strong feeling that something terrible and tragic will happen soon that will effect me like nothing else. It's along the lines of someone I care about is going to die, the house will burn down, or a natural disater will strike. It sounds crazy and paranoid but, seriously, what if this feeling is correct? What if I am just waiting for danger? What will I do if it happens? Well, considering past situations, you could say that I won't handle it well but, I'm stronger now and I'd like to think that I can tackle anything. Sometimes I wish to run, hide, fly away from my problems but, all they end up doing is coming right back to haunt me. I've been trying to instead look my problems in the face and deal with them first off instead of brushing them off. So, hopefully, after learning these lessons in life, I will be prepared for whatever force that strikes me. If I have no faith in myself then, my life is futile. I will defy my instincts and break out of my comfort zone to insure that is not true.
Why do I probe so deeply into things? Everything in this world seems as if it is a metaphor for life. Everything around seems to lead to a phylisopical discussion. What can I say, I'm facinated by my life and well...life itself. I often contemplate the meaning of it as I watch people; who have all of these trivial conversations that they consider important, sitting in sameness, watching their time float away not realizing that at any given moment, everything could fall apart. We all will die, it's inevitable, and I often look far into the future, after I have gone and ask myself "Was it all worth it?" As of now, I can't decide. For I am one of those people that I described in this paragraph; the one who's not living to the fullest and should be. Of course instead of asking "what impact have I made?", I should be asking "what impact can I make?" Because so far, I do not believe that I, possesing everything I could possibly need to, have made any difference in anything. That must change because I refuse to be passive in this world. There must be something more than this. There just has to be. People say "just live" but, I can't do that. I must at least to attempt to discover answers, even if I die without knowledge. I hope to complete my life, at least satisfied that I gave it a shot.
Well, there you have it. Inside of the mind of Briana Neves. Pondering death at 15. Wow, I'm a bit physco.
I bet no one's going to read this; it's the length of an essay. Well, you know, I've always been good at essays. Sheesh. Why am I so detailed and analytical? (I guess I'll stop at that question before it becomes another monolouge of reasons why and whatnot. haha.)
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